Unless you are a child, a hermit, or living in a vegetative state you know that we are awash in the blood that has been streaming from Wall Street since last year. TV talking heads and faceless radio voices have been regaling us with doom and gloom ranging from lost profits, lost jobs, lost homes, and lost pets to the point where the recession may be causing some of us to lose our grips. Enough already, screw you recession!

   Screw You Recession is the title and mantra of a website recently mounted by Virgin Mobile Canada (twitter 'em), and is a place where visitors share and swap hints and tips on how to save a few bucks in every consuming facet of their lives. Cheap chic websites and blogs are nothing new; there have always been people eager to tell us how to live on relatively nothing but Screw You Recession does it with its cyber-tongue planted firmly in its cheek (tip: “Don’t buy profuse amounts of diamonds.”)

   Since this is a Virgin site it is, at some level, connected to Sir Richard Branson, chair of Virgin Group. In our opinion Sir Richard is far better at making money than showing us how to save it, he is the proud owner of a $4.4 billion fortune, but perhaps his heart is in living an inexpensive eco-friendly lifestyle. Nah…

   Meet the woman known only as km. She has been a Virgin Mobile customer for years and although she likes their service she will not upgrade her basic cell plan, regardless of how many enticing offers Sir Richard’s minions send her way. A whistleblower in the telecom industry has told Angelina’s Wings that the Lord of the Cell has employed the carrot and stick approach to encourage local Virgin staffers to convince or cajole km into an upgrade. A successful pitch supposedly gets someone unlimited free air travel to anywhere Virgin flies. The numerous failed pitches have allegedly resulted in dismissals, public humiliations, and worse.

   Rumours abound claiming that Sir Richard is obsessed with seeing km upgrade her cell service but in a voice-modulated interview with AW km said it’s all Virgin’s fault. “I bought the phone during an unadvertised special and got four months free service to boot. I’ve never needed to upgrade. The phone’s indestructible; I’ve dropped it then talked to my girlfriend while holding the bits in my hands. Screw taking pictures and all that crap; the phone works as a flashlight so I can text someone while looking for stuff in my purse. How cool is that?”

   Limiting your cell service to only the necessary basics is one way to save money, there are many more if you use your imagination. Eating, for instance, is a constant expense unless you allow the generous or the well-to-do to feed you, or your kids. If you make high calorie lattes and over-priced pastries things of the past you’ll save money in the short term and you won’t puff up and outgrow your clothes.

   Despite the spin that streams out of Wall Street the recession is here and the situation may get worse. Either way, there will be long-term affects and we may be on the verge of a brave new, but less conspicuously affluent, world. In many circles extravagance has become unfashionable while living within one’s means takes on a glamour of its own. Will you, my dear shopaholic, be ready?

 

Retirement Community, ca.2011

Author: Alexandra Highcrest

Research: Angelina Pieros